8 Topics You Should Discuss Before Your Marriage
So, you said Yes! and now planning for your wedding. While it is such a big step, it is only the first start of your life together with your fiancé. Setting up a good baseline will be a good step for you to prepare to start a new life with each other. We suggest you to cover the following topics to have a fruitful conversation.
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Money is an essential topic for any couple as it has a significant impact on your mutual life. You should be transparent and share certain common financial goals before you get married. First, it is important to understand the current financial status of each person before marriage. If you have outstanding debt, it’s time to inform your fiancé and discuss the solution after marriage. If you are owning valuable assets such as properties or stocks, you might want to disclose that too and reach agreement on each person’s right on those. Some couples decide to sign prenup before the wedding for these issues. Second, you should be on the same page about financial arrangement during your marriage. Some topics to cover are a shared account, each person’s contribution to the shared pool and bills payment. Third, you can compare your spending habits and find some common ground. It will be hard to live together if one person is very strict while the other is too casual on money issues. Last but not least, try to identify some financial goals that both of you want to work toward. They can be buying cars, buying houses or having a certain savings. Common goals will be good bonding for a couple relationship and help you prioritize your financial choices.
This topic can be a deal-breaker for couples so that you can think about it early. The main topic is whether you want to have kid(s)? If yes, how many do you want? Who will take responsibility for the kids? Be respectful to his/her opinions about this topic. Some couples decide to have kids immediately after the wedding while others spend a few years as newlyweds. It takes a lot to raise a kid so that you should consider this topic carefully. It can be joyful but also guarantees lots of responsibilities.
If you are sharing the same religion, the topic will be how to practice it. For example: which church to go to? How frequently would you like to go to church? You should let him know your expectations as well as learn his thoughts. If you are from different religious backgrounds, there are more to agree on prior to the wedding. Does one of you want to convert? How to arrange your lives so that both of you can feel comfortable with the other’s belief and religious activities? For example: if you are a Buddish and he is a Christian, should you have an altar in your house? Also, you should look further to the future. If you have kids, how do you guide them through the choices and who can influence them? As the spiritual life can affect you tremendously, getting to an agreement on this topic will rest you at ease in your future life.
Don’t hesitate to discuss this topic. A healthy sex life will benefit your long-term relationship. Now that you will soon be husband and wife, it is crucial to talk about your intimacy as well. How frequent do you prefer to have sex? What is your expectation? Do you have any preference? You should set some common ground for your sexual behaviours. An open discussion will help him/her understand you better and benefit your life.
As you have two families to be responsible for as a married couple, defining rules for family obligations early will help guide you through your decisions later. The first topic is how to split time between the families. In case you stay in the same cities with your parents, you might want to think about when to visit them and the frequency of shared activities. Each family can have their own traditions, you should tell your boyfriend/girlfriend about those. If you are living in different cities from your parents, it is a good time to think about how to spend your holidays between the families. The second discussion point can be whether you will support any of the family as a couple. If you do, what is the limit for it? You should make sure that your future spouse is comfortable with these obligations as they will take up your shared resources such as time, money and relationships.
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Conflicts will happen when you live together. No matter how much you love each other, two different people can hardly get along 100% of the time. Instead of avoiding them, you can set the ground rules on what to do when conflicts happen. For example: agreeing on not yelling at each other since it can be really hurtful or one will stop talking when the other loses his/her temper. Those agreements can help you handle the situation better both before and after your wedding.
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You should have learnt about each other after a time together. If you feel like there are any other habits that your significant other should know about, share them with him/her. For example: how much alone time do you need during a day/week. Being husband and wife doesn’t necessarily mean that you will have to stick to each other all the time. You can still set aside time to do your own things and pursue your own interest as long as you have agreed on them. You might continue to learn more about each other as you live along too.
Everyone has rules that can be violated. What are the deal-breakers that you can’t compromise? You should tell your partner and understand his/her list as well. This prevents you from crossing the lines when you live together. Also, it can stop a failed marriage from happening. It is crucial to fully understand your limit while respecting your partner’s. If you can’t come to peace with any item on the list, you might want to rethink your wedding.