Recently, the word "violence" appears in the press or on social networks more regularly than ever. Violence is commonly known as injuries and bruises on the body caused by physical violence. However, not many people are aware that abuse is not only physical but also mental. 
Mental or emotional violence is a passive, gentle, and silent form of violence in which abusers do not have any physical impact on the victim's body. Because it is so quiet and discreet, it is often overlooked and hidden in life. Sometimes it is just a feeling of "something is wrong in my relationship, but I can't name it or figure out what it is".

Am I being mentally abused?

Feeling criticized, shamed, embarrassed when facing your lover? Your partner always ignore and disregard your opinion? He controls where you go and what you do most of the time? She gets jealous for no reason? Isolating you with the cold war? If you are experiencing these, take a look into those signs of mental abuse:

• Manipulating and controlling you by making you feel guilty
• Isolating you from others by criticizing or making fun of your friends, family, and co-workers
• Control and making unreasonable demands of you
• Act superior by doubting everything you say and attempting to prove you wrong
• Refusing to accept your feelings by trying to define how you should feel
• Unrespect you and treat you like possession or property
• Dismissing your requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited
• Being dissatisfied no matter how hard you try or how much you give

I know it is difficult to recognize that you are experiencing mental or emotional abuse because the knowledge about this topic is not widespread. Plus victims who suffer from mental abuse are often subtly manipulated emotionally by the abuser.

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Mental abuse (emotional abuse) V.S jealousy

In reality, the line between emotional abuse and daily conflicts is so thin that people in love often cannot realize that their emotions are being manipulated. Cases show that subjects of "mental violence" are often females because their psychology is not strong enough and their natural inclination is to be tolerant and self-sacrificing. In addition, some women are deeply influenced by the emphasis on the role of men in the family.

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Manipulators often use the name of love to make the other person overshadow and make their partner stuck inside the emotion siege. And the worst is that these types of scenarios appear a lot in movies, music, novels, etc. Media over romanticizes and dramatizes acts of psychological abuse, labeling the action as a "beautiful extravagant" or "intense" and "defiant" kind of love, which greatly influences the way our society perceives mental abuse. 

Moreover, as we often hear people say that - love creates jealousy. This becomes a method for abusers to cover up their intention of control - since some actions of mental abuse are similar could be understood as an expression of jealousy. Such as wanting to be the only one in your eyes, monitoring you digitally including text messages, social media, and email. Using jealousy and envy as a sign of love, and keeping you from being with others. 

But we must be aware that these two things are similar only on the surface. In terms of motives, they are the opposite. If jealousy is on account of love, emotional abuse comes from the wills of manipulation. Its purpose is to get the victim to comply with their demands.

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The effects of mental abuse

Mental violence happens with a single purpose: to gain power over the other, manipulate and control the opponent according to their own will. It is not a powerful punch but like a small but sharp needle that pierces your soul little by little every day, with the state of no dialogue, the cold war, psychological inhibition, mental damage. Over time, it brings negative emotions such as failure, guilt, fear, self-hatred, despair, and loneliness, more seriously, leading to depression.

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Love is pain-free

Saying that love is pain-free doesn't mean that love is free of anger or misunderstanding but that a healthy romantic relationship will never be dramatic enough to cause a part self-destruct. Love can be shaped in different ways but have a common denominator. True love will make you feel free and happy, will make you love yourself, and will make you respect each other. True love shouldn't be hurting each other.